So what am I going to post about now??

Ok, I'm sure that I'm not *that* boring.... But I'm happy that I won't be posting just about my back pain whining! :) I went in for ESI #2 this morning. They asked me how the first injection went. I think they were a little surprised when I responded "great". And when I responded that my pain varied from 0-2 post-injection they said that I needed to speak with the doctor as he might not want to do the injection today.

Dr. R came in & questioned me. Said that 0-2 was FABULOUS and if it were him he'd recommend not getting another ESI until I need one. Why mess with it if it's working - especially since there are always risks of steroid flare, etc. with an injection. He said he'd be more than happy to stick me if I wanted, but he didn't recommend it.

I got answers to my questions....

1. You can do the series of 3 ESIs every 6 months. So, right now if/when the pain comes back I can go back for another injection right away.

2. As for Amitriptyline or Celebrex. He wouldn't recommend either if I'm not having pain.

So I'm set. Go me!!

The good & the bad....

So I'm supposed to be at work tonight. I got called off on Friday - kind of nice since I haven't been off since early April. I puttered around - took Matthew to BestBuy to get new headphones & I went to JoAnn's Fabrics to pick up some items to complete mom's birthday present. A nice evening. Then I worked last night. Well, if you want to call it work... :) I helped Darlene on MIU by taking a couple sets of vitals. Then we chatted & laughed the rest of the night. No patients. At all.

Unfortunately I was up for being put on call again tonight if there wasn't a need. I got the call at 5pm. That will hurt the paycheck as even though they are in different weeks, they are in the same pay period. UGH! Things better pick up Wednesday & Thursday. I can't afford to be off again - I don't have any PTO time!!! On the up side I will get 6 hours of pay for the 2 shifts off - call pay. At least that's something - only missing 18 hours instead of 24. Plus any PTO time I accumulate will automatically be used. I should be ok. No extravagance the rest of the month. LOL!

My friend, Sara, from work is awesome!! She's agreed to ferry me from home to get my ESI on Tuesday - all at an ungodly hour in the morning!!!! She must really like me! :) I think she just wants to see me drugged up!!!!

It's storming here now. Maybe I'll get called in yet!!

That's all I've got for now.

Sunny Saturday

I get to be up & awake today!!! I was very pleasantly surprised to be put on call last night. It was a good thing as I was a little worried - I started feeling some unpleasant aches & pains in my low back. NOTHING like before, but I was a little anxious that the pain would come back. Resting helped. I slept through the night & woke up early this morning. Matthew was already up.

We were able to snuggle & talk. We played a few games of Monopoly Deal (I won 2/3 games!!) Then we sat down to complete his AVID application. AVID is a program at Corner Lake that helps with organization, study skills, & future educational enhancement. At first blush I was very excited to get him into it. There's an application. So we sat down to complete the application - and I started reading the brochure more. There were tears. And frustration. And when I read that they are expected to study 2 HOURS EVERY night I knew that this would not be a realistic program for Matthew. He would be frustrated. There would be tears - lots of them. He didn't want to do this - I wanted him to. So, we pre-empted the pain and have decided not to apply. He'll just have PE like everyone else.

Now we're off to Chick-Fil-A for an early lunch - YUM!!! Gotta love a special lunch out with my favorite kiddo.

Hope your day is filled with revelations and happiness!!!

Oooo....I found *something* to do with my time....

I love to "pounce" on etsy. It's one of my favorite past-times. Last night I found exactly what I want to make for mom's birthday. Should be easy enough - right? Famous last words!!

Here are fabric leaf stems:


Looks easy. I need some florist wire, brown floral tape, brown sewing machine thread, pinking shears, interface, & fabric. Well, that & a vase. The plan is to twist the floral wire together to make the "right" height of the stems. Wrap in floral tape. Then clip floral wire varying lengths for the stems. Wrap in floral tape. Then I need to figure out interface (not sure if I need to iron it one or if it's just a layer between fabrics. Then I'll need to stitch the leaves and use pinking shears to cut them out. Finally place the wrapped stem on the leaf & use the sewing machine to stitch them together. Then attach the stems to the main stem using floral wire & viola. Should be easy peasy. I'll bet mom will be impressed!!
We'll see.

I promise I'll post pics of MY finished product - gotta get on it as her birthday is June 1st. I also need to find the perfect vase for them. I also could finish some pillows for mom's bed. Can't wait to see what I can do!!

Guess who had another great day?

ME!! Did some cleaning today - picked up around the house. Thought about moving a couple of boxes, but decided against that. Good choice!! Still just a mild achy pain if I sit for awhile. Otherwise it's all good. I actually had a hard sneeze that before the ESI would have had me in tears & I felt nothing but a twinge of pressure in my low back. YAY me!!

So, I'm still trying to figure out how to get to/from the surgery center next Tuesday. My procedure is at 8am - I'll need to be there by around 7:30ish. So mom will need to stay home to get Matthew off to school. We could take him with us & have him be a little late to school, but he's got a field trip that day so that won't work either. So - I'm going to have to ask for help. UGH! I hate doing that. I'll get a look at the work schedule tomorrow night & hopefully I'll have some options to ask for help. I wish I could just show up & take a cab home, but they won't let me do that either....

On to another topic. Wow - there was some good TV on tonight. I watched Gray's Anatomy & Private Practice. And boy, did I bawl like a baby during Private Practice. Totally didn't see that one coming!!! Kind of sucks that they killed off both of Betsy's parents. I would have thought that they would have had Addison adopt Betsy, but looks like that's not so....

Well, that's all I know. It's good to have little to report!

A good day....

....that's right! I've had my best day in months. I tried *really* hard not to over-do it & I think I did well. The day started with an early morning shower (yay for no-stinky) because I had physical therapy. PT didn't start til 9:30 so I popped into Target on the way to return mom's pillow. While in there I grabbed a couple of house-hold things we needed & then got a picture shelf for the family room and a new hamper for my room.

Then I headed off to PT. My wonderful PT had "that look" when I told her it was a herniated disc. *That* damn-I-wish-it-would-have-been-something-else look - mixed with the you-may-not-be-in-pain-now-but-that-ESI-is-going-to-wear-off-sooner-or-later look. Sigh. I like talking to her. I feel like she gives me the "real deal" and I joke that it's like getting PT & psychotherapy all in one!!! So now we focus on strengthening my core muscles. And she worked me today. LOL!

After PT I ran East to see if I could pick up a copy of my MRI report so that my nosy eyes can see exactly what's wrong with me. Learned that not only do I have the herniation at L5-S1, but I also have a mild disc bulge at L4-L5. Fun times. Lots of big words that I'm not quite ready to figure out yet....

Next I stopped by the WalMart Neighborhood Market to finish my grocery shopping - they were out of most of our staples on Monday when I went after my MRI so I thought for SURE they'd have restocked. Nope. That ticked me off - and necessitated another stop - this time at the "real" WalMart.

So off to the "real" WalMart I go.... There I picked up an "end table" (really just a cube set) for beside my chair. Along with my groceries.

In the afternoon I vacuumed a couple of rooms - much to the chagrin of mom. Then I rested/played on the computer. The picture ledge went up so I could put up my mother's day gift from Matthew. Finally I assembled my cube. It was a productive day.

And in the end I had an occasional ache in my low back, but I stopped what I was doing to lie down and rest. Then all got better. It's been a good day. And I'm looking forward to more of them!!

Mixed feelings

After today I really have mixed feelings. When I found out that I have a herniated disc at L5-S1 my first thought was vindication. See, it wasn't all in my head - there really *is* something wrong with me! Second thought - immediately following the first - was, oh shit, this could really change my life - forever.

I started the day convinced that I'd opt out of IV sedation. Then I found that my ESI would include 2 blocks right above my buttocks. That it was a tender area & they strongly recommended the sedation. Ok, I caved. I'm pretty sure that the blue chair in the fluoroscopy room moved - it was fun to watch & focus on.... It just took a second. Then I rolled onto the stretcher & we headed to recovery. My feet felt tingly - like when they have been asleep. I thought that was just due to positioning. Ha-ha! And my butt felt numb. Again, I thought it was due to positioning & the ice on my back. Nope, my ass really was numb. Like so numb that I couldn't control the muscles in my bottom. I mused that I couldn't pee, fart, or poop even if I wanted to!!! :) Fun times.

I slept the day away as I worked the night prior. I'm no longer numb & just feel a vague aching in my low back, but I can raise my legs without pain. So that's good. But everything I read online says that ESIs can be great - to mask the pain. But it's temporary & usually once they wear off the pain will be back & be worse - as the patient goes on with normal daily activities the trauma to the disc worsens.

Sigh. Sometimes I hate being right.

So why was I wanting *that* so much????

Seriously. I paid money for that?? I cried because it wasn't going to happen?? Seriously - I paid good money to get my wits scared out of me!! That MRI was SCAAAAARY!!!!!!!! Now I know what being buried alive is like. There's no way that I'll do that again voluntarily. I think I'll have metal implanted so I *can't* have another MRI. LOL!!!

But, at least it's over. And now I sleep....

The winds they are a changin'

YAY! So Valerie - the super nice outpatient scheduler referred me to Marcia - the pre-cert supervisor. I called - and got voicemail. I left a rather rambling & sad message for poor Marcia. She called back rather quickly. And said that their department faxed the clinical information for pre-auth to the insurance company on Friday. And that it would take 24-48 business hours for approval. Great, I explained that I scheduled this last Tuesday for this Monday knowing that it would take 48 hours for approval - and that I need this MRI for my epidural steroid injection tomorrow. So now I'd have to wait another week in pain.

That did it. Marcia told me that if I came in for the MRI today that they would not turn me away. I said that was great, but I couldn't commit myself to eating the cost of a MRI if for some reason the insurance didn't come through. That's when she said it....that all I would be responsible for was my plan copay. And I reiterated, "So you're saying that if, for some reason, insurance fails to pay for this MRI that I will be responsible for is my $150 copay?". That's what she was saying. Score! So now I'm off for my MRI in about 25 minutes. Not looking forward to lying on the hard table for almost an hour. But I'll live......

I was right. And I didn't want to be. No auth for the MRI has been completed - or even started. UGH! So I called the Pain Clinic to see what's up. And they're only open Tuesdays & Thursdays from 8a-4p. Double crap. I let the call go to the answering service. Poor guy. Through my tears (& mini sobs) I kind of explain the situation to him. Not sure he understood, but said he would get in touch with Dr. R and either him or one of his staff would call me back. At this point I'm so thrown for a loop that I don't know what to do. Am I having a MRI today? Probably not. Am I having a ESI tomorrow? Who knows.

Then I called East to cancel my MRI appointment. I got a very, very nice lady named Valerie. She said that she would call around to see what's up with the authorization and call me back.

I'm in limbo. Literally. And right now I'm numb. I'm so disappointed. But what can I do?? Frickity frick! :(

So it's been awhile....

And to think. Since I last published in early March I've been in pain. It's nothing like I've ever experienced before. I'm humbled. And broken. I'm fighting for my spirit but if something doesn't change soon I fear for that too.

It all started innocently enough. I'm a nurse. A Labor & Delivery nurse. So my job is a bit physical - some nights more than others. I don't remember anything that hurt me. Not one specific thing. I think it was just a stretch of busy nights at work. You know the nights. The ones where your whole body aches. Your back, your neck, your legs, your feet. Everything. But then you flop into bed, become comatose for 8-10 hours & wake up fine. But I didn't. Wake up all fine, that is....

It was just an ache in my low back. Annoying at first, but growing more every day. Finally on 3/16 (after about a week of this pain) I hit up CentraCare (an urgent care clinic). The doc did a cursory exam, lifted my legs which produce such pain in my low back that I want to cry & throw up & pronounced that I had sciatica. He gave me an IM shot of steroids, a medrol steroid pack, & Flexiril. In that first day I thought maybe I might get better. Nope. No such luck. My follow up instruction was to go to an orthopedic doctor if I wasn't better in a week. I'm stubborn, you know, and given everything I've read online...most back pain will resolve itself in a month - even with no treatment. So I waited. I waited to wake up one day & be normal again. God, how I wish that day will still come. I waited almost a month. Until I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to get in to see my mom's doctor - I really liked him, but his first available was in May. No way could I wait anymore.

So I saw another Internal Medicine doctor in their practice. Nice guy. Did a very thorough exam. He agreed with me that I don't have sciatica - I have NO numbness or tingling or weakness or pain down either leg. His theory is herniated disc vs. lumbago vs. degenerative disc disease. None of those are great options, but if we're picking I'll take lumbago for $100, Alec. So, I was given a script for physical therapy 3 times a week, Ibuprofen, & Lortab. Plus some plain film x-rays & bloodwork. Then I needed to see him in 2 weeks.

Next came insurance fun - gotta get those PT visits approved. That ate up one of my weeks. And while PT was helpful in some respects I'm not getting better. Maybe I'm learning ways to cope. But I don't want to cope. Sheesh. Now I sound like a petulant child. But I want to be better. To be me. At this point I'd do anything for that. But I digress.... We did PT for 2 weeks & I went back to the doctor. I was sleep-deprived (had to work the night prior & had Matthew's orthodontic visit that morning) and I was in pain. And I seem to cry in front of my doctors. Funny, but true story - probably because I wait until it's so horrible to go in. Damn nurses - suck as patients. Anyway, I keep getting off track. Second doctor's visit was annoying. All he could focus on was my great cholesterol. Fab-fricking-fantastic Dr. T. I can live a long, long time in pain. He didn't think I needed a MRI as my options at this point were surgery or an epidural steroid injection (how he could propose surgery when we don't have a MRI with an actual DIAGNOSIS I don't know, but again, I digress....). So off I went with a referral to the pain clinic.

Thank GOD they could fit me in on Tuesday (almost a week ago). This doctor was great. Did an exam and said that he'd like to do a MRI (suck it, Dr. T) so that he can find & focus in on the problem and an epidural steroid injection. Ok, I'm not into needles, but epidurals don't scare me - bring it on. As I'm checking out & making my MRI & ESI appointments I remind the gal that I have Florida Hospital insurance & that I'd need an approval for my MRI. No problem - she said - and scheduled me on Monday (TOMORROW - oh, actually TODAY) for the MRI and Tuesday for ESI. Great. Works out perfect. Yeah. Except I got busy with working on Thursday & slept in Friday (cause I worked that night too) so I didn't check online til after customer service was closed. Guess what? No MRI approval. No denial either. Nothing. Maybe I'm not looking in the right place (but I'm pretty sure I am as it's where my PT approval was). So, I have to call customer service first thing at 8am and PRAY that there is an approval. If not I can't have my MRI (I'm supposed to be there at 10am). Then what does that do to my ESI??? Could I even have it? Probably, but it won't be specifically targeted & they'd probably have to use more steroids to cover more of the epidural space. Then if I could have it, would I want to without the MRI?? I can't wait another week. Why a week? They only do ESIs on Tuesdays. So if I don't have one this Tuesday I'll have to wait until next week. I just can't. My rope is shortening. I'm nearing the end.

What in the hell am I going to do if this is my life? It takes everything I have to work. I can't do housework or pretty much anything else. Anything that requires me to sit upright for more than an hour - sometimes less, sometimes more - is painful. Lying down is my only relief. I can't live my life lying down. Please, please, please - pray for me.