Doubts

So here I sit. In tears. Unable to sleep. Again. Night 3. My mind won't turn off. Things I don't want to think about run through it. Am I doing the right thing? Am I uprooting my family from everything & everyone they know because *I'm* unhappy? Is that right? Is that fair?

I worry. I worry about Matthew. I love his school - he loves it too. What if it's horrible in Florida? What if he hates it? What if they're mean to him.

And my poor mom. She says she's all for this. Like she's got a choice. Really. We all know that she & Jill can't live together. So what are her other options? I'm really forcing this on her.

And the job. People think I'm confident, but I'm not. I can fake it - really well. I love most of my current co-workers. What if I don't find that there? What if. What if. What if.

The tears still roll. And I'm still awake. Fear strangling me.